The Truth Behind Lies
Honesty is the best policy. Almost all of us have heard this expression at least once, but most of us have heard it too many times to count. From the very beginning, we are constantly advised not to tell lies. In some of our favorite childhood fairytales and fables like ‘Pinocchio’ by Carlo Collodi and ‘The Boy Who Cried Wolf’ by Aesop, we are taught the frightening effects of lying. Some of these consequences are real (like diminished trust), and others are fictitious (like Pinocchio’s growing nose). And yet, this instilling of ideas into us is barely effective. The average human lies two hundred times a day, according to Gerald Jellison, a psychologist from the University of South Carolina.
But what exactly causes us to have to lie every five minutes? Of course, there are more altruistic purposes to lie; it is not necessarily true that all lies are damaging. Time and again, we lie in order to prevent others from being hurt. A classic example of this is when we give people inauthentic compliments in order to make them feel better about their insecurities, lessen their self-doubt or make them feel more enamored with us.
However, more often than not, lies are told for the purposes of gaining power, as American Counseling Association suggests, or for self-preservation. It is no secret that most humans despise feeling powerless in any situation. We tell lies in order to gain control when it is otherwise impossible. On other occasions, we lie in order to avoid punishment or negative consequences. This can be especially applicable to younger children, but in occur, albeit more subtly and in different ways, throughout life.
On other occasions, people lie in order to maintain or improve their image. Making people think well of us can be helpful in many ways. Not only does it make them more inclined to rewarding or admiring us, the way others perceive us greatly affects the way we perceive ourselves. When others compliment us, our egos swell. Our image of ourselves is so distorted from what we really are because we focus more on others’ opinions than what we have truly learned about ourselves. This, of course, pushes us to lie even more.
Additionally, there are important distinctions to be made between several vastly different kinds of liars: an article from Nir and Far lists four types of liars: the deceitful, the duplicitous, the delusional and the demoralized. According to Regain, there are impulsive liars, compulsive liars, careless liars, pathological liars, sociopathic liars, and psychopathic liars. However, of those, only three categories (pathological, sociopathic, and psychotic) are most widely discussed.
Impulsive liars tell lies, most often white lies, out of impulse for immediate benefit. Compulsive and careless liars, however, are much more harmful. These types of liars also tell lies to help themselves, but this time, their dishonesty also involves covering up information or making important details seem less severe or intense. These kinds of liars are often a result of desires to get attention or maintain self-image. However, ‘careless liars’ are called careless for a reason; due to their negligence, they can contradict themselves and their fabrications are flawed.
The next category of liars are pathological liars, an intensified version of compulsive lying. These kinds of liars are often not trusted by others as many of the things they say, no matter how persuasive, could be lies. What’s worse is that because lying has become a natural behavior that they resort to, they are not able to stop. Pathological liars share this trait in common with sociopathic liars. However, the latter category is even more dangerous as they feel no remorse or guilt for what they do. They have larger, big-picture goals that they use lying in their relationships to reach.
Lastly are psychopathic liars. While they may be rare, they are are incredibly dangerous and can even be violent at times. These kinds of liars, like sociopathic liars, do not hold any importance to the truth and are not fearful of being caught. They do not feel emotions, especially guilt, after lying. Beyond lying, psychopaths suffer from more broad and severe personality issues as well. They are often highly selfish individuals who see others simply as a way to get what they want. They have no emotional attachment towards anyone. Of these five types of liars, psychopaths are by far the worst.
Not only are there different kinds of liars, but there are different types of lies. Though we all have likely told several of each different kind of lie, certain types of lies are more suited to different categories of liars. An organization called Changing Minds suggests that lies can be classified into four different colors: grey, white, red and black. Black lies benefit the liar but hurt others, grey lies benefit the liar and others, red lies harm the liar and those lied to, and white lies involve the liar being hurt but others gaining something.
Other sources, including TheHopeLine, argue that there are eight different kinds of lies: white lies, told to be polite or avoid offending others, broken promises, which are statements that promise something that is never delivered, lies of fabrication, which are statements that are not definitely accurate, bold-faced lies, statements that everyone knows are lie, exaggerated lies, which are true statements embellished with lies, lies of deception, which are misleading statements, plagiarism, which involves stealing other people’s work and claiming it, and compulsive lying, which are statements used to boost self-esteem or attract attention.
What makes lying particularly dangerous is that its negative effects are almost invisible to us, which only makes us feel more prone to lying. The short-term effects of lying make it seem almost harmless. All that we feel telling little white lies is a small pang of guilt, which is likely worth the immediate rewards that lie will bring us. However, it is not the short-term effects that we should be wary of. It is the long-term effects that are important.
First and foremost, lying strains our mental health to a great extent, far beyond what most people can imagine. Not only can pathological lying be a symptom of antisocial, narcissistic, and histrionic personality disorders, according to WebMD, it also causes a host of mental health issues. Though we may not feel it, according to Everyday Health, lying does put stress on both our physical and emotional state as continuous lying can quickly spiral out of control and become hard to track. Exposure to this kind of stress over a long period of time can lead to depression and anxiety.
It doesn’t end there, however. According to The Joint Chiropractic, the amygdala, the part of our brain tasked with emotional responses, does its job increasingly less as we lie more. This is why our guilt shrinks every time we lie and why lying gets easier every day we do it. Some researchers also point out that humans dislike viewing themselves as liars, which only further supports this. The more we lie, the more our brains our affected and emotions, like guilt, that protect us and others are weakened.
Additionally, an article from A Conscious Rethink lists the many ways in which lying destroys our relationships. Many liars realize that lying destroys trust, and yet they continue to lie anyway. However, it is important to note that trust strengthens relationships and is essential. Not only that, but lying shows a lack of respect from one person to another and makes the person lied to feel used, cheated and disregarded. Lying is not only immoral and selfish, it is also disrespectful. It is also possible for some liars, especially narcissists, to begin to believe their own lies and have a distorted view of theirselves and the world, according to The Narcissistic Life.
In conclusion, it is true that lies are very deeply rooted in human nature and we may never stop being able to lie completely. It makes complete sense why we lie so much: lies allow us to achieve goals that could not possibly be achieved any other way. Very few of us are psychopathic liars, but that doesn’t stop us from lying whenever it benefits us. Despite this, lies are far from harmless. Not only do they put stress on our mental health, they strain our relationships, hurting both the person lied to and the liar.
Therefore, it is important that we take note of all of the dangerous consequences of lying and, at the very least, refrain from telling lies in the more serious categories. Even if our noses do not grow immediately after each lie, we must remember that all lies will catch up to us eventually in some way or another. Lying may be a beneficial method of getting what we, and possibly even others, want, but are also a downward spiral of guilt, delusion, and toxicity that we must try to avoid as much as possible.
